Thursday, May 03, 2012

Asking No More

"I want to learn to live each moment and be grateful for what it brings, asking no more." - Gloria Gaither

I came across this thought today and felt a resounding "Yes!" rise up within me.  This is it.  This is what I long for in my life.  I have moments like this, but I want life to be like this.  I want to learn to let go.  Live more, stress less.  Love life instead of being overwhelmed by it.  I just finished texting my husband about this very thing.  I caught him off guard, questioning our (my?) proneness for feeling stressed and stretched much of the time.  I feel this need to relax more...but I can't seem to make myself do it enough to make a real difference in my demeanor, countenance and overall outlook on each day (life).  I fixate on how it "should" be instead of focusing on what is real.

And what is real is good, y'all.  I have two incredible blessings right inside my house.  Others that are scattered all over Arkansas and down in South Alabama.  Not to mention some that live right down the street and a few miles away.  And countless many others scattered across the United States and even around the world.  I am truly a blessed woman.  It is time I live that way more.  I experience it some, but it I long to feel it so much more in my life.  And this yearning in me...well, I know that it means it is possible.  There are people who live that way much more than I do.  It is an attainable goal, I believe.

After my random texts, the hubs got a little concerned and called me.  He listened and agreed.  He said he thought he could help me if I'd let him.  I think I will.

We have this running joke at our house.  I am always telling Jason that I "used to be uptight."  He laughs.  He laughs, y'all.  I tell him it is the truth.  He laughs some more.  Slightly irritated, I always feel the need to explain to him that while I might still be a little (a lot?) uptight, I am not near as much so as I used to be.  Those of you who have known me for a decade or two can attest to that.  Seminary (ironically?) helped with that a lot.  I became more myself during those years because I learned to let go a little.  It seems I have all but stopped the letting go and so I find myself stressed and stretched and entirely too serious and intense much of the time.

So...with my husband's help (and God's, of course), I'm going to learn to let go again.  Bear with me on this journey.  And be will take some time.

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