Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Living Free(er)

I would love to tell you that I am now at #200 in my journey to write down one thousand blessings.  But...well, not-so-much.  It seems I am terrible at actually writing things down.  There's been no lack of blessings, to be sure.  And I am most definitely more aware of the incredible blessings all around me.  Well...most of the time.

You see, I am human.  Very much so.  I falter...a lot.  Joy fades as I fail to take notice of the blessings all around me.  And when that joy fades, in walks bitterness, resentment and even a little rage.  I feel myself not being myself at all.  Filled with frustration, prone to despair, jaded.  I do not like what I see/hear/do.  I pull out the notebook and review.  So many blessings.  I grab a pen to write down more memory fails.  I cannot recall the blessings at first.  I finally recall a few and write them down.

#72.  Watching John Reynolds make everyone smile. He is such a charmer, that one.  He lights up Target, Country's Barbecue and every place he enters.  So precious.

I write this one down and s-l-o-w-l-y my focus is shifted.  I smile a little.  The world seems a little lighter.  Life seems much less serious and stressful.

#75.  Jason getting gas for me late at night so I wouldn't have to in the morning.

This is just a microcosm of the myriad of things he does for me/us.  He is just incredible.  The answer to all my prayers and more.  He does this for me and I think first of my ungratefulness.  Do I thank him enough for all the little things he does to help, to make me happy and hold me together?  I am sure that I do not.  I am also sure that he did not go get me gas so I would feel guilty about that fact.  He did it because he loves me and wanted to do something for me.  And so I receive it.  This is hard for me, the receiving.  I don't deserve it...kinda like grace.

Aaaand....I'm back.  I get it.  Blessings and the counting of them will always bring me back to grace.  Back to gratitude.  Back

Suddenly, I can breathe again.  I am a little more alive and a lot more aware of what is taking place around me. Blessings.  Too many to name.  So what if I don't always write them down.  They are happening all the time.  If I am not writing them down, I will not feel guilty or let myself get dragged down into the pits called guilt, despair, bitterness and the like.  Ok, I might.  I am human.  I will falter.  I'll just try not to let it completely ruin my mood when I do.  I guess that brings me to another blessing.

#78.  Moments of clarity that lead to {a little more} freedom...and a lot more grace.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Written on My Heart

My days have been busy and, quite honestly, I have not written down many blessings as-of-late. I am ok with this, as I have still found myself much more aware of the blessings in my life. This is the ultimate goal, I believe. To cultivate a heart of gratitude in all things. And while not many have made it to paper the past few days, they are written on my heart.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Real Friends

I was a bit delinquent writing down the blessings this weekend.  It was definitely a blessed weekend full of friendship and sunshine and all sorts of goodness.  I was just too busy living it to sit down and write about it.  I consider that a blessing in itself.  I think I'll make that #53!  For now, let me just share this one:

#49.  A friend "hiding" Easter eggs for us after we missed the church egg hunt (by minutes!).  I was so defeated and sad we missed it (even though John Reynolds really didn't know or care!) and I think this friend could tell I was heartbroken.  While I was talking to his wife, he went and put out some eggs for his kid and mine to find.  That is friendship, people.  I was truly touched.

This little gift just reminded me how very blessed I am in the friendship department.  I have people far and near who love me so well.  And I am not easy to love, y'all!  I hope I am half the friend that all of my friends are to me.