You see, I am human. Very much so. I falter...a lot. Joy fades as I fail to take notice of the blessings all around me. And when that joy fades, in walks bitterness, resentment and even a little rage. I feel myself not being myself at all. Filled with frustration, prone to despair, jaded. I do not like what I see/hear/do. I pull out the notebook and review. So many blessings. I grab a pen to write down more and...my memory fails. I cannot recall the blessings at first. I finally recall a few and write them down.
#72. Watching John Reynolds make everyone smile. He is such a charmer, that one. He lights up Target, Country's Barbecue and every place he enters. So precious.
I write this one down and s-l-o-w-l-y my focus is shifted. I smile a little. The world seems a little lighter. Life seems much less serious and stressful.
#75. Jason getting gas for me late at night so I wouldn't have to in the morning.
This is just a microcosm of the myriad of things he does for me/us. He is just incredible. The answer to all my prayers and more. He does this for me and I think first of my ungratefulness. Do I thank him enough for all the little things he does to help, to make me happy and hold me together? I am sure that I do not. I am also sure that he did not go get me gas so I would feel guilty about that fact. He did it because he loves me and wanted to do something for me. And so I receive it. This is hard for me, the receiving. I don't deserve it...kinda like grace.
Aaaand....I'm back. I get it. Blessings and the counting of them will always bring me back to grace. Back to gratitude. Back to...living.
Suddenly, I can breathe again. I am a little more alive and a lot more aware of what is taking place around me. Blessings. Too many to name. So what if I don't always write them down. They are happening all the time. If I am not writing them down, I will not feel guilty or let myself get dragged down into the pits called guilt, despair, bitterness and the like. Ok, I might. I am human. I will falter. I'll just try not to let it completely ruin my mood when I do. I guess that brings me to another blessing.
#78. Moments of clarity that lead to {a little more} freedom...and a lot more grace.
I write this one down and s-l-o-w-l-y my focus is shifted. I smile a little. The world seems a little lighter. Life seems much less serious and stressful.
#75. Jason getting gas for me late at night so I wouldn't have to in the morning.
This is just a microcosm of the myriad of things he does for me/us. He is just incredible. The answer to all my prayers and more. He does this for me and I think first of my ungratefulness. Do I thank him enough for all the little things he does to help, to make me happy and hold me together? I am sure that I do not. I am also sure that he did not go get me gas so I would feel guilty about that fact. He did it because he loves me and wanted to do something for me. And so I receive it. This is hard for me, the receiving. I don't deserve it...kinda like grace.
Aaaand....I'm back. I get it. Blessings and the counting of them will always bring me back to grace. Back to gratitude. Back to...living.
Suddenly, I can breathe again. I am a little more alive and a lot more aware of what is taking place around me. Blessings. Too many to name. So what if I don't always write them down. They are happening all the time. If I am not writing them down, I will not feel guilty or let myself get dragged down into the pits called guilt, despair, bitterness and the like. Ok, I might. I am human. I will falter. I'll just try not to let it completely ruin my mood when I do. I guess that brings me to another blessing.
#78. Moments of clarity that lead to {a little more} freedom...and a lot more grace.
No comments:
Post a Comment