Living Free(er)

I would love to tell you that I am now at #200 in my journey to write down one thousand blessings.  But...well, not-so-much.  It seems I am terrible at actually writing things down.  There's been no lack of blessings, to be sure.  And I am most definitely more aware of the incredible blessings all around me.  Well...most of the time.

You see, I am human.  Very much so.  I falter...a lot.  Joy fades as I fail to take notice of the blessings all around me.  And when that joy fades, in walks bitterness, resentment and even a little rage.  I feel myself not being myself at all.  Filled with frustration, prone to despair, jaded.  I do not like what I see/hear/do.  I pull out the notebook and review.  So many blessings.  I grab a pen to write down more and...my memory fails.  I cannot recall the blessings at first.  I finally recall a few and write them down.

#72.  Watching John Reynolds make everyone smile. He is such a charmer, that one.  He lights up Target, Country's Barbecue and every place he enters.  So precious.

I write this one down and s-l-o-w-l-y my focus is shifted.  I smile a little.  The world seems a little lighter.  Life seems much less serious and stressful.

#75.  Jason getting gas for me late at night so I wouldn't have to in the morning.

This is just a microcosm of the myriad of things he does for me/us.  He is just incredible.  The answer to all my prayers and more.  He does this for me and I think first of my ungratefulness.  Do I thank him enough for all the little things he does to help, to make me happy and hold me together?  I am sure that I do not.  I am also sure that he did not go get me gas so I would feel guilty about that fact.  He did it because he loves me and wanted to do something for me.  And so I receive it.  This is hard for me, the receiving.  I don't deserve it...kinda like grace.

Aaaand....I'm back.  I get it.  Blessings and the counting of them will always bring me back to grace.  Back to gratitude.  Back to...living.

Suddenly, I can breathe again.  I am a little more alive and a lot more aware of what is taking place around me. Blessings.  Too many to name.  So what if I don't always write them down.  They are happening all the time.  If I am not writing them down, I will not feel guilty or let myself get dragged down into the pits called guilt, despair, bitterness and the like.  Ok, I might.  I am human.  I will falter.  I'll just try not to let it completely ruin my mood when I do.  I guess that brings me to another blessing.

#78.  Moments of clarity that lead to {a little more} freedom...and a lot more grace.

Written on My Heart

My days have been busy and, quite honestly, I have not written down many blessings as-of-late. I am ok with this, as I have still found myself much more aware of the blessings in my life. This is the ultimate goal, I believe. To cultivate a heart of gratitude in all things. And while not many have made it to paper the past few days, they are written on my heart.

Real Friends

I was a bit delinquent writing down the blessings this weekend.  It was definitely a blessed weekend full of friendship and sunshine and all sorts of goodness.  I was just too busy living it to sit down and write about it.  I consider that a blessing in itself.  I think I'll make that #53!  For now, let me just share this one:

#49.  A friend "hiding" Easter eggs for us after we missed the church egg hunt (by minutes!).  I was so defeated and sad we missed it (even though John Reynolds really didn't know or care!) and I think this friend could tell I was heartbroken.  While I was talking to his wife, he went and put out some eggs for his kid and mine to find.  That is friendship, people.  I was truly touched.

This little gift just reminded me how very blessed I am in the friendship department.  I have people far and near who love me so well.  And I am not easy to love, y'all!  I hope I am half the friend that all of my friends are to me.