I have come the realization that I am a peculiar human being. I am more than a little strange. I am slightly random and only accidentally funny. I speak too soon and have to eat my words almost daily (It's that whole talk-before-you-think syndrome...usually just something stupid, not bad.). I am a big nerd. I love books. I love history. I am fascinated with dead people (the communion of saints). I love a good biography or documentary. It is funny how being in a relationship will expose you for who you really are. And I am...weird.
I can't decide if it is that I am more myself with Jason than I have ever been or I am more at ease with myself because of him. I think it is a little of both. And it has been this way from the beginning with him. I am just me with him. Peculiar. Weird. Strange. Random. Klutzy. Me.
This is both liberating and scary.
Liberating because I feel like I am learning a lot about myself. I am discovering me in all my weirdness and I kinda like me. I'm sort of fun in my randomness and weirdness. I'm learning to embrace my strange self and own my many quirks. I am figuring out what I like and dislike and learning to be ok with what doesn't match up to the majority. It is thrilling.
It is scary because self-reflection always is. Seeing myself clearly for the first time in a long time is sobering. While the people-pleaser in me has diminished as-of-late, it still lurks in the dark corners and rears its ugly head now-and-then. I am determined to live free of that in this life and this road of self-discovery that I've accidentally started on is helping that matter. And seeing myself through Jason's eyes has helped. He digs my quirks and embraces my weaknesses and encourages me to do the same.
I have learned that I am not perfect (shocking, I know). I am decidedly imperfect, quirky, and weird. I am learning to embrace me and I am more alive because of it. And the boy who is teaching me all of these things about myself (without knowing it, really) helps me in that department, too. More on that in the next post. :)