Finding Fulfillment

I am still without a job. While some might welcome this reality, I am done with it. I have a need to do. I willingly admit that I define myself by what I do. This is both good and bad. This is good, given that my vocation is in ministry. It is a fine thing to fully immerse yourself in work if that work is full-time ministry (which we're all called to, by the way...but that is another post). It is bad because it means that I am discouraged when not in my own, boxed up understanding of full-time ministry. In my heart-of-hearts, I know that ministry cannot be limited to any job and that I am in-ministry right now - in my marriage, in my family, and in my friendships. But I yearn for the challenge and fulfillment I get from a job in the field.

I honestly think I'd be ok with doing anything right now (like, working at Hallmark...which I am not far from considering), if I felt like I had enough avenues to explore God's call on my life (even on a volunteer basis or through writing) OR if I was raising kiddos (also on the horizon...but not just yet!). Right now, I just feel a bit limited and a lot discouraged. I am looking into some pretty exciting opportunities (more later) and planning to get started writing, but...it's just a frustrating time for me. I feel...useless. Jason wholeheartedly disagrees and thinks that God is just giving me a season of freedom. He also says that there's a lot going on right now (my little sis is getting married and moving to Green Bay) and that my being jobless affords me flexibility I wouldn't have otherwise. Still, as I said before, I am ready for new opportunities.

We shall see what happens next. Until then, I covet your prayers and welcome your comments! I will keep you posted on it all as it happens...

(DISCLAIMER: I feel very fulfilled in marriage and in my relationships right now. It has been a blessing to be able to simply be a wife, friend, sister, and daughter. Please don't get me wrong...I love those things. I just desire...more!)

Walking without Worry

I have been reflecting a lot lately about what it means to walk with God through the details and difficulties of life. I mean with Him. Not just near Him, but beside Him. I find that each new journey in my life either threatens or strengthens this. That is not an earth-shattering find, I know.

It seems that as I look back on my life, I've just traded old struggles with new ones and anticipate others to come (as we have kids, etc.). Thinking about these things makes me...worry. This is something I am really good at. Not-so-good at trusting that God is with me and that we walk through it all together. I know it, but I don't know it. You know?

So...I was sifting through some old quotes and prayers that I've collected and stumbled across this one. My mom sent this my way (because she's inspirational like that) during a particularly trying time in my life. I need to be reminded of this truth even on my best days. I thought it might encourage you on your journey.

"We are told that God is love; that he takes note of every sparrow that falls and even the hairs of our head are numbered. This means that the least among us is very important to God.

God is described as a forgiving, loving Father. In building faith it is of first importance to integrate this truth into your mind. Every day say aloud,'I am a child of God. God is interested in the smallest detail of my life. God loves me.'
If any doubt arises, reaffirm and reiterate God's love and hold to that thought until it is a fact.

A man asked,'What is the greatest truth of the world?" I turned the question back to him and he said, 'It is that we are not alone.' In building your faith emphasize the greater truth that no matter how dark it gets, how lonely you feel, or how you may experience rejection, you are not alone. Repeat every night as you go to sleep and when difficulty comes: 'I am not alone, God is with me.'

Because God loves you and is always with you, you can have confidence that if you live His way to the best of your ability and put your trust in Him, you will develop a faith that will withstand every shock in this life. A method for meeting difficult responsibilities that can be of immeasurable help is to simply say: 'God please stay with me and help me and I will try to do the best I can.' And then add confidently the affirmation: 'Thank-you, God, for helping me now.'" - Peale

Christmas Reflections

As we approach the holidays, I thought it appropriate to share a couple of passages from my daily devotional. The book is Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning. As with all of his works that I have read, this one encourages and challenges me daily. Manning's words never fail to confront and comfort. The selections below have appeared during this sacred season we call Advent.

To those who want to see and experience the birth of Jesus Christ in new ways this Christmas...

"Once a year the Christmas season strikes both the sacred and secular sphers of life with a sledgehammer force: suddenly Jesus Christ is everywhere.

For approximately one month his presence is inescapable. You may accept him or reject him, affirm him or deny him, but you cannot ignore him. Of course he is proclaimed in speech, song, and symbol in all the Christian churches. But he rides every red-nosed reindeer, lurks behind every Cabbage Patch doll, resonates in the desacralized "season's greetings." Remotely or proximately, he is toasted in every cup of Christmas cheer. Each sprig of holly is a hint of his holiness, each cluster of mistletoe a sign he is here.

For those who claim his name, Christmas heralds this luminous truth: The God of Jesus Christ is our absolute future. Such is the deeply hopeful character of this sacred season. By God's free doing in Bethlehem, nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Light, life, and love are on our side."

"My brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, if you have been struck by the grace of Christmas, if the Lord in his mercy has given you the courage to accept acceptance, if you are convicted that Christmas is the decisive breakthrough of the passionate love of God in Jesus, if you trust that Godi is faithful to his promises, that he will finish what he began, that amazin' grace is at work right now, that you have only checked into the hotel of earth overnight and you are en route to the heavenly Jerusalem, then in the immortal words of John Powell, 'Please notify your face!.'

On the other hand, if you have not been struck by the grace of Christmas, ask for it and it will be given."

And for those who have experienced loss, disappointment, or find themselves discouraged this Christmas...

"Christmas is the promise that the God who came in history and comes daily in mystery will one day come in glory. God is saying in Jesus that in the end everything will be all right. Nothing can harm you permanently, no suffering is irrevocable, no loss is lasting, no defeat is more than transitory, no disappointment is conclusive. Jesus did not deny the reality of suffering, discouragement, disappointment, frustration, and death; he simply stated that the Kingdom of God would conquer all of these horrors, that the Father's love is so prodigal that no evil could possibly resist it."

And finally, the words of John that so richly describe the beautiful event that is our hope: Christmas...

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14)

An Update of Sorts!

Jason and I had a fantastic, whirlwind trip to Kentucky for the book-signing event. It was both no-big-deal and a-very-big-deal at the same time. It was no biggie because it was an intimate, informal affair. There were a handful of people there I knew and equally as many that I did not. It was fun and surreal. So very weird to be sitting up there signing books like I knew what I was doing! I definitely need to work on my signature. :)

It was also a pretty big deal because of how it motivated me. My husband (Jason) got completely into it and snapped a ton of pictures. He is constantly reminding me of my desire to ultimately write on my own and that night was no exception. His excitement over this little event really inspired me. The whole experience energized and motivated me to move forward with writing something on my own. I've already made myself a tentative schedule and plan to get started at the turn of the year. Feel free to join Jason in bugging me about it...I need the accountability!

It has been super-busy around here since our quick trip to Kentucky. We have been to Arkansas and back to visit family and have some fun. We have been busy on this end decorating for Christmas and trying to stay on top of our Christmas shopping, too. I also had an interview today for a job I hope to get here in Auburn. I promise to post another update soon!

My Crazy So-Called Life

Many of you know that I have collaborated with a professor and friend of mine, Dr. Ben Witherington III on a couple of books. The first of these, Incandescence, came out a couple of years ago. Dr. Witherington offered me the opportunity to write spiritual formation excercises to go along with his sermons. It was a difficult, but rewarding task. It afforded me the chance to put my love of the saints and spiritual formation to good use. It also allowed me test my skills as a writer.

Dr. Witherington approached me again about collaborating with him on another volume. This one, entitled The Living Legacy, afforded me another chance to use my gifts in the area of spiritual formation writing. I was able to couple ancient practices with modern poetry and theological reflections. Also, this volume allowed me to write and reflect upon authors and saints that I love and have learned from through the years. It was difficult, as I worked on the bulk of it during my engagement! But it kept me focused on what is most important during a busy time in my life. I loved the freedom Dr. Witherington gave me to explore classic and current works of the giants of the Christian faith.

All that to say, I am an officially published author! The first volume was a collaboration and my name was graciously mentioned in the forward. This second volume has my name on the cover and everything! If you know me, you'll excuse my excitement about the latter. I am not gloating...just really, really honored and humbled by this fact! This is just another step along the way to my dream of writing on my own.

I can trace the roots of all of this back to a random conversation at Solomon's Porch in Wilmore, Kentucky several years ago. He had already approached me about transcribing some of his poetry (which are included in The Living Legacy) into a permanent book (I have pretty good handwriting which he discovered from the cards I sold at Solomon's Porch). I came in that day, as I often did, to do some much needed studying. He came by to say hello and I asked him what he was doing. He said he was finishing a commentary on Romans and asked what I was doing. I told him I was studying, but casually mentioned I would really like to write a devotional book someday. Well, Dr. Witherington took note of this and said we should collaborate on a book in the future. I smiled and said I would love that, of course. He left and I was dumbfounded, wondering what I had done! I figured nothing would ever come of it. Boy, was I wrong!

As I write, I am preparing for a trip to Kentucky in just a few short days. Jason and I are heading there to be a part of a book-signing at Joseph-Beth Booksellers in Lexington, Kentucky. Is that not WILD, and EXCITING news?! We are looking forward to the trip to Asbury and to Kentucky in general. Plus, anyone who has lived there can tell you that Joseph-Beth is one of the coolest bookstores. It is two stories of books...heaven to an avid reader like myself!

[If you'd like to see more on the books above, go to these websites:
Incadescence: www.eerdmans.com and The Living Legacy: www.wipfandstock.com. You can also just Google them both.]

Married Life and Living Free

It seems that married life really suits me. I am much more organized, a little more patient (with myself and others...), and it turns out that I am a pretty decent cook. I have had fun with the house-decorating, trying out new dishes, and just being a wife. It has been a blessing to have someone as fantastic as my husband physically there to support and encourage me everyday. I am learning a lot about myself and what it means to do life with another person. It has been much less difficult and dramatic than I thought it might be, given that I have been on my own for so long. I welcome the shared-space aspect and haven't found any quirks I cannot live with just yet. Some say that will come with time, but I choose to think differently.

Please don't get me wrong here. I am not idealizing marriage. There are and will be difficulties along the way. There is always a "rub" when you bring two people together in a relationship and/or marriage. I am well aware of this. But why must the bad always be elevated above the good? Seriously. When I told people I was getting married, the "good-natured" warnings and cautions started flying. I am told the same thing happens when you are expecting a child.

We have a tendency to emphasize the bad over the good in our society. This should not be so. When we find ourselves entering a new season in life (graduation, marriage, children, etc.), we ought to approach it with holy expectancy and joy. We should be ready to see and experience God in whatever is ahead of us. But instead, we go the other direction. We look forward in fear, worry, and anxiety. We start ourselves on this path and others help us with their red flags and warnings.

Why not instead look at the transitions in our lives and in the lives of those around us as opportunities to experience God? Why not surrender ourselves to the care of God and others who love us with complete trust and ready faith? Why not offer encouragement and prayers instead of horror stories and warnings when someone we love is approaching a transition we have already been through?

As Christians, we are to approach the journey of life with stillness and confidence in God (see Psalm 46:3-5, 10) and assurance that God will sustain and even strengthen us (see Habakkuk 3:19). We are to entrust ourselves to our communities and trust that they will also do their best to encourage us along the way (see Hebrews 10). We are to walk without fear and in freedom (see 1 John 4:7-18).

Jason and I have talked about this every step of the way. We understand that the warnings that people offer about marriage and parenthood and what-not are from a good place. But we refuse to give them a place in our marriage and life together. We choose instead to trust God and each other and not to worry about what is ahead. We choose to live in holy expectancy. We choose to live knowing that if and when difficult things come our way, our God, our families, and our friends will sustain us and bring us through. We choose to live free.

That's what this blog is supposed to be about anyway. The subtitle on this blog is "Reflections on Life, Faith, and Living Free." That is what it means to dance anyway - to trust, to abandon, to surrender, and to live. I choose to dance through marriage...and life in general!

As promised, here are a few pictures from the wedding. It was a wonderful day. I enjoyed every minute of it! Jason was a little more nervous and reserved, but he loosened up a lot once the ceremony was finished. You'll note the serious expression on his face in the picture of us...

The biggest surprise of the day was the flowers. My handful of readers will remember from previous posts that this was the only hard part of the planning process. After a lot of drama and difficulty, we ended up with a company called "The Empty Vase" in Little Rock. Not the most encouraging name for a florist, really. I had no idea what to expect and had resolved to just be happy with whatever simple bouquet I ended up with that day. The consultant was nice enough on the phone, but I really had no idea what the flowers would look like. Honey...they were gorgeous! I could not have been happier. I hope to post more pictures of them soon.

I was honored to have both of my sisters, a dear friend from high school, and my two best friends from seminary as attendants in the wedding. The only picture I currently have of the five of them is a little blurry. I'll add one soon. One of my oldest friends (I've known him since 4th grade) read the Scripture and a dear friend from seminary sang (beautifully...). The minister at my home church presided over the ceremony and offered a wonderful homily that encouraged us both.

Enjoy the pictures...I'll post more soon!

She Blogs!

I have to apologize for the lack of blogging on my end over the last couple of months. I am so sorry. But I don't feel too bad since what I've been up to has been pretty huge. The wedding took up a lot of my time in July and August has been a time of unpacking and settling. Both the wedding and the settling have been going fantastically well. I love married life...most specifically my incredible husband. Things have been great so far and I promise to blog about it all soon. For now, I'm job searching and continuing to unpack and write thank you notes! I promise a new post and some pictures soon!

Elisabeth Elliot Quote

"The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God's idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be." - Elisabeth Elliot

Searching for Flowers and Spinning Plates

Wedding planning is going swimmingly well. Everything is in place with the exception of the flowers. All of our "glitches" have been in the floral department. I say we should just go grab some at a farmer's market or store the day of, but my mom is committed to beautiful arrangements all-around. I am committed to it, too, but not with such a headache.

We have had quite a time of it finding a florist. It seems there is a floral convention taking place the weekend of the wedding. I am not sure what one does at a floral convention. Sniff flowers? Arrangement races? It must be riveting because just about everyone in the LR Metro area and beyond is going. Needless to say, this has presented a problem for our camp. Well, mostly my amazing mom who has happily done the bulk of the work for the big day. She's awesome, but she's stressed about these flowers. At one point she called me very frustrated (ok, that has happened more than once...). She was lamenting the lack of flowers. I tried to tell her it would be ok and she said, "But it might not be ok, Julie." This made me laugh (after I got off the phone, of course!), as I am sure that I will still be married whether we have exceptional flowers or not. No one is going to be horrified if there aren't arrangements everywhere. Anyone who is should be ashamed. That's not what a wedding ceremony is about anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I would really like to have a great florist and beautiful flowers. My mom met with some guy today at a fantastic shop in Little Rock (they have chosen not to attend the riveting flower convention) that will remain nameless until a later date. I feel sure it is going to work out and this part of the wedding will be as great as the cake, dresses, and everything else. My mom is still a little unconvinced/nervous.

I share all of this as a little window into my life right now. It is a little insane trying to plan a wedding, prepare to move, work, and meet a publication deadline (another post about that last item later...). It is like spinning plates. Sometimes it is thrilling, at other times overwhelming. At all times it is entertaining to the people around me. :)

[The top picture is one of the pictures snapped while we were taking engagement pictures at the beach. We love this one! The picture below it is a random arrangement I found on the web. Mine will likely have a little more color in it, but I like this one for some reason. It is a little large and greenish, but lovely.]

Wedding Whirlwind!

I realize that I promised weeks ago to post more about the engagement and the wedding plans. I am so sorry for taking so long to do so! If you're married (or engaged!), you know that I am up to my eyeballs in details! Wedding planning is all-consuming. So far, though, it has gone really well. We have everything we need. The wedding location was secured less than 2-hours after the engagement. We found the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses a week or so into the planning. I've included a picture of myself and my little sister in the bridesmaid dresses. They are super cute. I won't be posting any pictures of the wedding dress, as Jason wants to be surprised. I am pretty sure he doesn't check the blog, but...!


We secured the reception site, caterer, and photographer in rapid succession. All promise to be wonderful and have excellent reputations. The final piece to be added was the florist. By some fluke of nature, there is a floral convention the weekend of my wedding. What?! If that isn't the most completely random thing you've ever heard! Anhyhow, we finally got a fantastic florist from Little Rock. I think he is going to do a beautiful job. Plus, it is a world of fun just to listen to him talk. Strangely enough, he shares a name with one of my uncles...very serendipitous.

I will start posting pictures of other wedding details as time permits. It is a busy, but wonderful time! I recommend doing this (3-4 month engagement/planning). It makes it almost impossible to get bogged down in the details. Still, I do covet your prayers and any sage advice you might have!

Engaged and Exhilarated!

In case you haven't heard...Jason and I are ENGAGED! I could not be more excited about my fiancé, the ring, the wedding, and everything in-between and afterward! It all happened on Saturday, April 26th, just two days shy of our one year anniversary. It was perfect. And by perfect, I mean quintessentially me. If you know me, you know that means it was kind of funny, kind of sweet, and mostly a comedy of errors. My sweet fiancé had a plan and I sort of blew that out of the water. It is one for the books and story we'll treasure and laugh about for years to come.

We've been engaged for less than a month and the wedding plans are already going fantastically well. We have pretty much everything taken care of except the flowers and photographer. I do believe we'll have that done in the next week or so. It has been beautiful to see God continue to bless our relationship as we plan for what is ahead. We are both just in awe of His provision and the ways He is blessing us along the way.

I promise to blog as the planning continues. I'll post fun pictures and stories, I promise. I apologize for the delay of this post. It has been a little crazy since the actual engagement. Those of you who have planned a wedding recently (or ever!) understand!

Permanent and Perpetual Thanksgiving

"The Christian is a eucharistic worshiper of the saving love and mercy of the God who has accepted him. His very being is a Eucharist, a permanent and perpetual thanksgiving to God. What does Eucharist mean but thanksgiving? If Eucharist means thanksgiving, Christianity means people who are joyfully grateful people." - Brennan Manning

In the United Methodist Church, the rule is generally that communion happens on the first Sunday of the month. On this I have relied since my childhood. I was prepared for it last week when I realized it was the first of April. I scanned the Sunday bulletin only to discover that communion was given at the early service, but not the one I was attending that morning. I am sure there is a logical explanation for this and we will have our own time of communion in a week or two. On that Sunday morning, though, I was more than just a little disappointed.

Several of the students I work with were equally upset by the lack of communion that morning. I found myself strangely comforted by their disappointment. I was glad that they noticed...and missed it. It somehow seemed to say to me that they really get it.

I feel relatively certain that they weren't upset about not getting communion because it tastes so great. We use those papery wafer thingys and tiny glasses of grape juice at our church (it's a pretty big church, I don't fault them for that...). I am also pretty certain that it wasn't just because it was the first Sunday of the month and that is just when we're "supposed" to have it. Based on what they were saying, it seemed to come from a much different place.

I think these students understand communion. They want/need to be reminded what Christ accomplished for us on the cross. They want/need to be reminded that we are all in this together. They want/need to be reminded of God's goodness. They want/need to remember the new covenant. They want/need to remember and be thankful, which is what Eucharist really means.

And they seemed to really miss all of that. I found myself wishing I could bless the elements before us (we were at a baseball game...) and offer them communion right there. Then I realized that we were, in a way, experiencing the Eucharist together at that moment. It is not the same as receiving the cup and bread, but grace danced among us just the same and we experienced holy communion - community - together.

Let me close this post with a short, personal story from a couple of years ago. Some of you may have heard me tell this before, but it is worth repeating today. While in seminary I kept the most adorable bunch of kids. I spent my Mondays with them and a few others here and there. I love them very much and always had the best time with them. More often than not, they would teach me life and faith lessons without even knowing it.

One day I was walking out of the mid-week communion service and they walked up. Their dad was giving the homily and communion. The little boy was decked out in Power Ranger gear from head-to-toe. Adorable. The little girl was dressed as a princess (naturally). Without missing a beat, the little girl ran up to me and asked a question I'll not soon forget.

"Miss Julie, Miss Julie...want to go have community with me?"

I smiled and said, "Yes, of course!"

I had already taken "community" that morning, so I just watched them kneel at the altar and receive it from their Dad. It was a beautiful moment. Once finished, they got up and ran out talking about how they had "community" and making sure everyone knew it. It was priceless.

These little ones reminded me what it is all about that day. Each time I take communion, I remember this day. Communion is community. It ought to call forth thanksgiving and joy in our lives and an overwhelming desire to share it with others.

Open Eyes

I have just returned from a week in inner-city Memphis for a mission trip with a handful of students. It was an eye-opening experience, to say the least. I am in full-time ministry and I am pretty sure I had lost sight of who Jesus is. I was reminded of that old worship song "Open Our Eyes, Lord, we want to see Jesus.." as I prepared for the week. I love the melody and the words of that song. As I came to understand Jesus more in my life, the words started haunting me. So much that I remember wanting to stand up in the middle of the service I was attending and ask how many people really meant what they were singing. Do we really want to see Him? He is dirty, cold, hungry, and thirsty. Is that the Jesus we are looking for these days?

That is the Jesus we look for when we are on a mission trip like the one I was on last week. Then we see Him everywhere. I saw him in a thousand places last week. I saw him in the 24-year old woman we worked for who is struggling to raise her four children and many of her own siblings. I saw him in my friends from seminary who are reaching out to the young people in their inner-city Memphis neighborhood. I saw him in an older man with the saddest eyes I have ever seen. He lives in an abandoned car wash and wakes up each day shaking violently, desperate for a drink. I saw him everywhere.

I am home now and hope that I my eyes stay open so that I can see Jesus in my everyday. This is where it counts. I say that not to diminish the work done last week (and throughout the year through Service Over Self). But it is only fleeting if it only lasts for a week or so here and there. It has to translate into our daily lives. Jesus is all around us - hungry, thirsty, dirty, cold, and broken. Sometimes in the most unlikely places. He is in that woman you see everyday at work who seems to have it all together. Or maybe in the man who holds it all together each day for his family, but is dying inside because of some secret addiction. That child who feels isolated and unloved at home and at school. And yes, sometimes He looks like what I saw last week in inner-city Memphis.

There's this old quote that I love. I wrote it out for my mom years ago and she still has it on her bulletin board at home. I wrote it in a fun sort of font because that is the way I understood it then. The quote reads, "People see God everyday, they just don't recognize Him..." (Pearl Bailey). It carries new meaning today. I hope I will recognize Him...

Evermore...

"Gracious Father, whose blessed Son Jesus Christ came down from heaven to be the true bread which gives life to the world: Evermore give us this bread, that he may live in us, and we in him; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen." - Book of Common Prayer

This prayer appeared in my Lenten Reader today and really spoke to me. I've come across it before and each time it speaks to me. I love the old language, "Evermore give us...". I am not sure I can explain it, but it awakens something in me. With this sentence, all of the names of Jesus come alive for me. I think not only of Jesus as "Bread of Life," but also as "Living Water," "Vine," "Good Shepherd," and the countless other names of our Lord. Evermore give me this Christ who satisfies hunger, quenches thirst, initiates growth, seeks us out...and provides all I need. Let me be at rest with this One; Savior and Lord of all.

Being Me

I have come the realization that I am a peculiar human being. I am more than a little strange. I am slightly random and only accidentally funny. I speak too soon and have to eat my words almost daily (It's that whole talk-before-you-think syndrome...usually just something stupid, not bad.). I am a big nerd. I love books. I love history. I am fascinated with dead people (the communion of saints). I love a good biography or documentary. It is funny how being in a relationship will expose you for who you really are. And I am...weird.

I can't decide if it is that I am more myself with Jason than I have ever been or I am more at ease with myself because of him. I think it is a little of both. And it has been this way from the beginning with him. I am just me with him. Peculiar. Weird. Strange. Random. Klutzy. Me.

This is both liberating and scary.

Liberating because I feel like I am learning a lot about myself. I am discovering me in all my weirdness and I kinda like me. I'm sort of fun in my randomness and weirdness. I'm learning to embrace my strange self and own my many quirks. I am figuring out what I like and dislike and learning to be ok with what doesn't match up to the majority. It is thrilling.

It is scary because self-reflection always is. Seeing myself clearly for the first time in a long time is sobering. While the people-pleaser in me has diminished as-of-late, it still lurks in the dark corners and rears its ugly head now-and-then. I am determined to live free of that in this life and this road of self-discovery that I've accidentally started on is helping that matter. And seeing myself through Jason's eyes has helped. He digs my quirks and embraces my weaknesses and encourages me to do the same.

I have learned that I am not perfect (shocking, I know). I am decidedly imperfect, quirky, and weird. I am learning to embrace me and I am more alive because of it. And the boy who is teaching me all of these things about myself (without knowing it, really) helps me in that department, too. More on that in the next post. :)

Sneak Preview: My Life

A lot has been going on in my little world over the last several weeks and months. A lot. I have plenty to blog about these days. Family stuff. Faith stuff. Fabulous boyfriend stuff. I have a lot to say about all of those things and more...and absolutely no extravagant time in which to do so. I am working on carving out some time to do so very soon. I am sorry for the many blogs lately that have been apologetic, brief, or lacking. Life is very busy, but oh-so-good these days. I really will write more about it soon. For now, here's a short list of things to look forward to hearing about over the next few weeks.

5. I am heading to the 2008 Passion Conference in Dallas, TX this weekend. It should be a fun trip - 6 girls, 2 boys (my boy, Jason, being one of them...yay!).
4. Mardi Gras in Mobile. I went a couple of weeks ago. It was fun and not near as suspicious/strange/scary as I expected.
3. My adorable nephews. I have some fun stories to share about them that I think you'll enjoy.
2. A post of Julie-isms...random times lately when I have been accidentally funny or clutsy. These seem to get the most responses, because this is the Julie you know and love!
1. Jason. The boy. You know you want the scoop on all things related to that. I'll deliver...soon! Suffice it to say for now that things are going better than fantastic. He's the greatest. Just today he sent me roses so I could enjoy them for an entire week instead of a lousy 24-hours before the conference this weekend. He is just that good. We love him. :)

All in the Family

Follow this link to the audio of the sermon I gave on Sunday, January 6, 2008 at Central United Methodist Church. The title of the sermon is "All in the Family" and the text comes from Hebrews 2:10-18 and Isaiah 63:7-9. It is approximately 16 minutes long. Feel free to offer feedback or comments (be honest, but...gentle!).

A Brief Blog

It seems I've been a bit of a blogger slacker again lately. I can explain. Even though we are only eleven days into this new year, it has been a busy one. This is surprising given the fact that I work with college students and most of them are gone. The last two Sundays I have preached in my church. [I am working on getting a copy of it online for those that might want to hear it.] The better part of my time has gone to being sure I would be ready and relaxed. I've had a million other things going on, too. None of which are interesting enough to blog about, though. I promise to write more soon...

On the Little Town of Bethlehem

I really resonate with the lectionary for this season. It is just so rich and far-reaching. I find myself identifying with Zechariah in his doubt. With Mary in her awe. With John in his poetic description of the incarnation. Each one speaks to a different part of me.

I must confess that in the past I spent little time on the Old Testament passages of the season. Other than the ones from Isaiah, of course. One such passage was Micah 5:2-5. It didn't seem to have anything new to say. That is not the case for me anymore. In the last couple of years, this has become one of my favorite passages for the season of Christmas (along with John 1:1-14).

I've always loved the Christmas hymn "O Little Town of Bethlehem" by Phillips Brooks. The carefully chosen words and beautiful melody of this song follow me throughout the month of December. These words have taken on new meaning as I've come to understand a little more about Bethlehem.

Bethlehem was not just a small town. Eugene Peterson calls this insignificant, undistinguished village of Judah, "the runt of the litter" (Micah 5:2). There was really nothing special about it.

And yet God chose this most ordinary place as the setting for the most extraordinary event: the birth of our Savior. This is befitting the redemptive nature of our creative God. We - or at least I - almost miss the significance of the place where God's presence came to dwell among us.

The significance of the choice of this little insignificant village for the birth of our Savior doesn't stop with its location and population. That would be enough for us, wouldn't it? To know that God delights to use the commonplace to accomplish his uncommon purposes should tell us all we need to know about our God and what he can do with our seemingly insignificant lives. But there's more...

The real beauty of Bethlehem is in the meaning of Bethlehem itself. It comes from the Greek words "Bet" and "Lehem." These words are literally translated "House of" and "Bread," respectively. So, Bethlehem literally means "House of Bread." Is there any more perfect place for the birth of our Savior, the true "Bread of Life"?

The creativity of our God astounds me. "How silently, How silently the wondrous gift is given" in a little town in Bethlehem and in the quiet of our hearts. May our Lord Emmanuel come to you and abide with you this Christmas season in a new/old way...quietly and completely.

Amen.

God Always Understands

Someone sent me this YouTube video the other day and it really ministered to me. It is just a subtle reminder from a child of who God is and how deeply he cares for us. I thought it was fitting given this season of Advent and preparation for our Coming King. It might seem a little "Lenten" to those of you who love the liturgical seasons like I do. Advent or Lent, the shadow of the cross is always there...

A Prayer for Advent

Holy Child,

whom the shepherds
and the kings,
and the dumb beasts adored,
be born again.

Wherever there is boredom,
wherever there is fear of failure,
wherever there is temptation too strong to resist,
wherever there is bitterness of heart,
come, Thou Blessed One,
with healing in Thy wings.

Savior, be born in each of us
who raises a face to Thy face,
not knowing fully who he is
or who Thou art,
knowing only that Thy love
is beyond his knowing
and that no other has the power
to make him whole.

Come, Lord Jesus,
to each who longs for Thee
even though he has forgotten
Thy name.

Come quickly.

Amen.

- Frederick Buechner

Four-Wheelers, Firearms, and Field Goals

I spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my fine, Southern gentleman of a boyfriend and his family in rural Alabama. As the alliterative title to the blog suggests, I did everything one would expect to do in such a town. Well...short of actually hunting and killing something. It was fantastic.

Let me begin by saying that I am a "city" girl from Arkansas. I never came close to a four-wheeler or a firearm during my childhood (or thereafter...). I grew up with two sisters, so the opportunity to kick a field goal was non-existent. Now that I have shot a gun, driven a four-wheeler, and kicked a field goal....I feel like I was missing out!

Don't get me wrong. I loved my childhood. I had my own sort of adventures in my hometown. But they were mostly of the city park, mall, and movie variety. All we heard about four-wheelers and firearms were the dangers of both. And while they are dangerous when used improperly, I've got to admit that they are also a lot of fun!

My Thanksgiving in rural Alabama was everything I hoped it would be. Time moved slower. People were unbelievably friendly. The food was amazing. The scenery was gorgeous. The entertainment was the best kind. It was perfect. Just good, Southern hospitality and fun. The kind involving four-wheelers (What a thrill!), firearms (I am not such a good aim...but no one got hurt!), and field goals. Oh, and wonderful home-cooking, Southern accents, and porch swings. I miss it already!

The Obligatory Post

I am a big blogger slacker. I am fully aware of this fact. If I wasn't before, I am now...the three of you that read my blog have let me know. I am terribly sorry. I would love to tell you that I have been unbelievably busy and haven't had enough time to devote to a good blog. But that would be a lie. I could blame it on my other blog (for the students here). That would be a cop-out, too. I really just haven't felt like blogging here. I think this is due in large part to the fact that I feel like every post should be either highly inspirational or funny. I have felt neither when thinking about what to blog here.

I blame my blogging friends.

There's Jackson's blog...it is both inspiring and funny. A nice balance of both. He is a man of remarkable depth and his blogs always reflect that. Every once in a while he'll sneak in a funny one. Those are outstanding, too. I read his blogs and I covet his depth and his wit.

There's Cindy's blog...so informative and delightful. I love her recipes and her rants. In addition to this, she is an excellent storyteller. Whether it is about an unwanted house guest (a mouse!) or something more serious (grandparents), I am captivated. I read her blogs and wish I had her way with words. Plus, I am convinced she has a plan for everyone's life and she's probably right! :)

Then there's my friend Matt. He's been a huge slacker. No blogs for months. No matter, though. He is an outstanding writer. Just the thought of what he might write on his blog haunts me. He is a storyteller, too. And a poet. And a sage. And songwriter. He's going to write the next great American novel someday. Eat your heart out (Nell!) Harper Lee!

Don't even get me started on the rest. Jill, Lisa, and Katie tell stories with pictures. Todd makes you feel like you're right there with him as he starts a new church. There's no mistaking that JD has a way with words (and videos, for that matter). And the list could go on for the rest of the blogs I read (some listed on my blog, some not).

I am kidding. Sort of. Everything I said above is true. If you haven't checked out the other blogs listed on mine, you should. They are excellent. But they are no excuse for why I haven't been blogging consistently lately. I vow to blog more regularly again...starting now. No more apology posts or pressure to be perfect. Just little ol' me and what's swirling around in this head of mine. I promise. :)

Working Wish List

My friend Matty has always dreamed of meeting Amy Grant. Well, that wish was recently fulfilled and surpassed. In the span of one week, Matty scored concert tickets, backstage passes, and a brief duet with his hero. In honor of my friend and his elated state, I've compiled my own "wish list" for this life.

1. Write a devotional book (Working Title: Steadfast).
2. Take a trip to the Holy Lands.
3. Attend any number of major sporting events (Wimbledon, The Masters, Stanley Cup Finals).
4. Milk a cow.
5. See a Broadway show.
6. Visit all 50 states.
7. Take an extended vacation to Europe (tour by train...).
8. Concerts: Michael Buble, Paul Potts, Barbra Streisand, Garth Brooks
9. Attend Jimmy Carter's Sunday School Class.
10. Meet Billy Graham.

These are just the ones that come to mind today. The above list is in no particular order and is far from final. I am sure I'll think of others later and add them as I do. Feel free to share some of your own in the comments section!

Quote Stealing...

I stole this quote from a friend. I read it and couldn't get it out of my mind. I am seeking to live this aware of God's grace and sure of my faith. It just resonated with me and I hope it will with you, too.

"What a wonderful thing it is to be sure of one's faith! How wonderful to be a member of the evangelical church, which preaches the free grace of God through Christ as the hope of sinners! If we were to rely on our works--my God, what would become of us?" - George Frederic Handel

Satire and the Sacred...

DISCLAIMER: I am not really a Chuck Norris fan. I never watched Walker, Texas Ranger or anything else starring him. Someone pointed me to this website recently, though, and I thought it was very funny.

For a good laugh, take a look at this satirical website of Chuck Norris "facts." Please note that Chuck Norris had nothing to do with this website. I haven't read them all, but the ones I have read are funny.

In my search for the site, I stumbled across these thoughts from Chuck Norris himself. I thought I'd pass them along to you. I was impressed with his candor...

One of the satirical "facts" made of Norris states that "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." Upon hearing this, Chuck replied:

"It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures. By the way, without Him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things—and so can you."

Well said, don't you think?

Things I Love

In no particular order (other than the first two!)...

1. The Trinity.

2. The Communion of Saints.

3. A Good Book. (Like...700 Sundays by Billy Crystal)

4. Dark Chocolate.

5. Cards.

6. Letters.

7. Snickerdoodle Coffee from Common Grounds.

8. A Good Laugh.

9. A Good Cry.

10. Conversations.

11. An Inspiring Quote.

12. The Cone (If you're in it, you know who you are and that this encompasses oh-so-much).

13. My Southern Gentleman of a Boyfriend.

14. My Adorable Nephews.

15. My Unbelievable Family.

16. Quiet Time.

17. A Good Movie.

18. Hiking.

19. John Denver (First on a long list of guilty pleasures in the music department...).

20. Good Lyrics (Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice is an all-time favorite).

21. Writing.

22. Road Trips.

23. Long Walks on the Beach. (especially with # 13...)

24. A Well Placed Comma :).

25. The Smell and Taste of Coconut (Bath & Body Works Exotic Coconut is fantastic).

That's all for now. Your turn now!

Adventures in Missing the Point

Each week I receive student ministry articles via e-mail. There's a section at the bottom called "Stranger Than Fiction" that always interests me. This week's was equally intriguing...and more than a little infuriating.

Stranger than Fiction
Dissin' Jesus at the Emmys - On September 8, Kathy Griffin, a bawdy, foulmouthed comedian, accepted an Emmy Award for her reality show, My Life on the D-List, and in her acceptance speech she explained that while other actors might thank Jesus for such an honor, she wouldn't consider it. "Suck it, Jesus," she exuberantly added, waving her statuette in the air. "This award is my God, now." Outrage from Christian groups followed, and newspapers reported that E! Television would scrub the speech before airing it the following weekend, which triggered an equal and opposite outcry from liberal groups accusing E! of censorship. When the awards show aired the next weekend, edited but not completely airbrushed, a small Christian theater company based in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, took out two full-page ads in USA Today at $90,000 a pop, decrying Griffin's remarks and pleading for a new civility. Griffin, meanwhile, went on Larry King, who played the unedited clip and ignited the entire thing all over again.(Newsweek, October 1)

This made me angry. Not for the reasons you would expect (Unless you're familiar with my post about Imus.). I can't say that I agree with what Griffin said. I believe it was in bad taste and completely unnecessary. On Larry King, she refused to apologize or back down. However, she readily admitted that it was a joke. While it was a deplorable "joke" (if that is what it was), was it any worse than those who do choose to thank Jesus and turn around and deny him by their lifestyle, their career choices, and their actions? That's another blog...

What really upset me about this article was the price-tag on the two full-page ads that the Christian group took out in USA Today. $180,000? Come on! Was that good stewardship? Do we honestly think Jesus is applauding these people for "defending" Him? It is hard for me to picture a whole boardroom of people who thought it was a good idea to spend such an exorbitant amount of money on a useless add that few will read and even fewer will respond to positively. It is a poor representation of the Gospel we say we believe.

People are not alarmed when Christians get angry and protest things. This is just an opportunity for a world of lost people to roll their eyes at us again. "Here we go again...another Christian rant. Those people are always mad about something?" Is that how we want to be perceived? More importantly, are we really representing Jesus well when we do things like this?

Jesus doesn't need us to defend him. He calls on us to love him. And he takes it one further and also asks us to love our neighbors while we are at it. Who are those people? The poor. The weak. The girl or boy next door. And even the difficult ones that say things that offend us.

I am not saying Kathy Griffin was right. I've already said that I think what she said was in bad taste. I am not calling on Christians to support what she said or condone it. But no two page spread in a magazine is going to convince her that Jesus loves her and longs for her. I am doubting it will do that for anyone. Perhaps it made them feel better to make a statement against her and plead for "a new civility," but it did little or nothing to advance the Gospel.

How about using that money to feed the hungry in our backyards (and all over the world, for that matter). I don't know much about that area of Tennessee, but I am guessing it is a safe bet that there are people right there in Pigeon Forge who are hungry - physically and spiritually. How about spending that money to reach out to them and say to them with our actions that there's a God who loves them? That is the kind of "response" that causes people to take notice...

I have much more to say about all of this, but I'm more curious as to what your response is to this scenario. Agree? Disagree? I welcome your thoughts on this. I don't have it all figured out myself, I just know that my gut instinct tells me this was poor stewardship on the part of the church and a poor representation of the God we say we love.

A quote I love that I believe speaks to this (especially the last sentence)...

"You know, we say we are followers of Jesus Christ, and yet I fear that we crave a life almost in opposition to the one he lived. We want what's easy; he chose what's hard. We want life for ourselves; he chose to give his life for others. We want approval for our own deeds; he chose to do the deeds of his father in heaven. We seek the condemnation of others who are not life us; he wants to redeem us all." - Stan Gaede

Sneak Preview

I am well aware that I have been a "blogger slacker" lately and I am sorry. I assure you it is not for lack of thinking about it and wanting to write. It is nailing down the time to actually write that is the problem. Things are a little crazy around given that the school year is well underway and I work with college students. I promise to offer you a solid blog this week.

As a "sneak preview," just know that things are going fantastically well in my little world. I love my job, my church, and the people I work with here. It is such a great church with people who are generous with their prayers, encouragement, and support (financial and otherwise). It is also wonderful to be able to take a short trip home for birthdays (my nephews, my mom's) or any other reason. I do miss the boy, though...but things are going remarkably well there, too. He's unbelievably thoughtful and adorably Southern. Treats me like a queen, even from a distance. (That is likely all you'll get from me on this blog about that...!)

More to come soon, I promise!

Movie Release Update

It looks like the release date for August Rush has been moved to November 21st. If you're unfamiliar with this, see my blog from or just go watch the trailer online. It looks like it is going to be one remarkable film!

Serendipity and Saints

ser·en·dip·i·ty (sěr'ən-dĭp'ĭ-tē):
noun
1. an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2. good fortune; luck

Serendipity. Fun word (under-used). Great movie (I [heart] John Cusack. Supposedly fantastic restaurant (in NY).

I'm in a serendipitous season in my life. Those "desirable discoveries" seem to be happening rather frequently lately. Little and big ones. Twice I've found myself walking through the mall (and I hate to shop!) aimlessly, only to run into people I've been trying to connect with for weeks. One of them was just on a 6-hour break from the camp where she was working for the summer. Strange.

I had a beautifully serendipitous moment the other night at my first Disciple Bible Study class. We were making introductions and this 91-year old lady was telling about herself and where she had gone to church in the past. It was the same church my grandmother attended while she was alive, so I asked if she knew her. She did not...but the older man next to me did. Making that connection almost made me cry. It's that "communion of saints" thing...makes you feel like you're not so far removed from the people you've loved and lost. I have a feeling that our little connection will only deepen as we walk through this study together.

I wanted to share that moment because I have long been thinking of writing a blog about my grandma. We were very close. We laughed together, cried together, dreamed together, and just loved each other deeply. She had her struggles, but they only made her into the unbelievable person I grew to love and admire more than I could ever express in words. I tried once...and the results are below in a poem that I wrote for her. Keep in mind that I was 18 years old, so it is raw and unpolished.

Heroes

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes
With masks and capes and many great disguises.
But none so discreet as this one does appear,
And in my heart, this hero’s very dear.

Some say a hero must be strong and bold.
If that’s the case, let the story be told
Of a woman of wisdom, strength, and love,
Who follows the Lord and His plan from above.

She’s quick with a hug or a shoulder when you need one,
And of course a great joke or a laugh for some real fun.
She’s my inspiration, my strength for each day.
In just who she is, she has shown me the Way.

Her cape you won’t see, for she’s not wearing one,
But you can bet on a halo when it’s all said and done.
For she’s the kind of person who loves from within
With no thought of what she may lose or win.

She has blessed me, touched me, and loved me so
In all that she’s done, she’s only helped me grow.
All things considered, she fits right in
As a hero, a legend…my grandma, my friend.

A Journey Without Maps

"Faith is better understood as a verb than as a noun, as a process than as a possession. It is on-again-off-again rather than once-and-for-all. Faith is not being sure where you're going but going anyway. A journey without maps." - Frederick Buechner

Journey. I really love that word. It awakens something in me that I cannot explain. It seems so...infinite and inviting.

Infinite because it seems to capture the endless possibilities and lessons to be learned in this life. Also because as Christians we know that we are not Home yet, but we're ever on our way. Sometimes that way is treacherous. Sometimes it is wondrous. Most of the time it falls somewhere in between.

Inviting because it seems so...communal. The idea of journey seems to imply that there are others on the road with us. Oh sure, sometimes it seems as if we are all alone on our journey. Like we are being asked to walk this endless road by ourselves. We feel lonely, abandoned, and utterly isolated. But it is all an illusion. There is at least that eternal Someone there beside us and often countless others surrounding us seeking to walk the same path. On our best days there's a tangible person or two with whom we can share the ups and downs of the journey who has chosen to take the journey, too.

I am at a point in my journey where I am exhilarated by the idea that it is a journey without maps. If you had asked me a year ago how I felt about it, the answer would have been different. I felt isolated and alone and angry that I didn't have a blueprint for the journey. There's no blueprint or map right now for any part of my life and I'm loving it! I feel excited about what is ahead even though I see it not.

Why the extremes in response to this journey without maps? Well, the easy answer is that I am human. It happens. The better answer is that I find myself trusting God to a greater degree at this point in the journey. My vision is clear and I am able to see how He has guided me through the mountaintops and valleys of my life and that He continues to do so now.

Ask me again in a year and I might have different thoughts (depending on the day). For now, I'm excited about what is around the next corner and cannot wait to see where He is leading me. I also look forward to sharing this journey with the unbelievable people He has placed in my life who can remind me what I've said here today when I find myself in the less-than-enthusiastic camp...

Fear Conquered

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

These words, while a beautiful thought, have always sort of haunted me. They replay in my mind when I find that I have not quite conquered fear in my life (a daily...or at least weekly occurence!). I have learned to fight through fear and just go for it in most circumstances. And while this can be a good quality, I think it has largely kept me from experiencing what this verse really means.

As is always the case, my devotional brought up the same theme. I have found that when God is trying to teach me something, He exhausts all avenues. The same idea seems to surface everywhere I turn. When I finally sat down to ready my devotional the other day, here is what I found:

"When the story is over, the fear will be conquered; God will have delivered. The troubles will be mastered, and God will have freed the believer. The needs in life will have been met, and God will have provided for every need." - Dennis Kinlaw, This Day with the Master, August 12

I immediately called to mind the verse listed above. "There is no fear in love...perfect love drives out fear" kept replaying in my mind like a broken record. Those words and Kinlaw's words convicted me and caused a longing to awaken in me. The refrain is not unfamiliar to me...

I kept thinking...I want fear to be conquered in my life now. I want to be freed from worry and fear now. I want my needs to be met now. I just want to live free in the now.

Then it happened. I had what I like to call a "mini-ephiphany." A moment of absolute clarity where it all just comes together for me. I don't imagine it will be earth-shattering for many of you but I thought I'd share it anyway.

As I sat and reflected about that verse and what I had read in my devotional, it all just began to make perfect sense to me. I don't have to conquer fear. I don't have to try and free myself from worry. I don't have to know how everything is going to work and how. It is not up to me to have that perfect love that drives out fear. I just have to cling to the One who does...

It occurs to me that I might be making sense to no one but myself at this point, so let me put it differently. It seems to me that the verse should read (at least in our minds), "There is no fear in love because God is love. God, who is perfect love, drives out our fear. He drives it out because fear has to do with punishment and those of us who love and live in God know that this is not the end of the story. We need not fear because we are covered by the perfect love of God."

I knew it before, but it became clearer to me the other day...it is not up to me. I'll still have fear here and there, but I need not try to conquer it on my own. I'll just allow myself to be embraced by the One who embodies the perfect love and has the power to drive it out.

I'm done fighting through my fears on my own. Where has it gotten me anyway? Maybe it has made me a little "tougher" or (worse) given me some sense of false pride in my ability to overcome. It never lasts...and it shouldn't.

I am determined to live free in this life. I believe I can, not because I have the power to do so, but because I know the One who does. And there is no fear in Him...

Just for Fun

I thought this was hilarious. Check out the Weinermobile Woes.

Movie Preview

My friend Cindy alerted me to this forthcoming movie on her blog a while ago. I just got around to watching the trailer...and I'm hooked. Please take a moment to view the trailer. Then promptly go and mark your calendars for the release date (October 19, 2007). You won't want to miss August Rush. The cast is phenomenal and the concept is original and looks to be deeply moving.

A Glimpse of Jesus

"God is tender and loves us as just as we are, not in spite of our sins and faults, but with them. God does not condone or sanction evil, but he does not withhold his love because there is evil in us. The key to this understanding is the way we feel about ourselves. We cannot stand or accept love from another human being when we do not love ourselves, much less believe or accept that God could possibly love us." -- Brennan Manning, A Glimpse of Jesus

I am currently reading A Glimpse of Jesus by Brennan Manning. I loved Ragamuffin Gospel and every thought I've ever read by this remarkable man. This book is no exception. I read Ragamuffin Gospel relatively quickly because it was so good. While this book is equally as good, I am reading it slowly. In part because I have been a bit busy as-of-late. But mostly because of the subtitle. The whole title reads like this: A Glimpse of Jesus: The Stranger to Self-Hatred.
Wow.

While I don't hate myself, I know it won't surprise my handful of readers to hear me confess that I have difficulty receiving love. From God or anyone, really. I look at others who struggle the same and I cannot understand it. I have no trouble seeing how other people (even ones who frustrate me!) are deserving of love. I just have trouble receiving it myself. And the Lord has (humorously) surrounded me with an unbelievably loving family, loving friends, and companions on this journey. He is desperately trying to show me how he loves me through others. And I know that he does...I just don't know that I know that I know.

I venture to say many of you feel at least partially the same. Or maybe you don't. Either way, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. It is a lingering difficulty in my life. It has been alleviated during brief seasons in my life, but it still seems to loom behind me. I long to be set free of this feeling and I believe that God desires that for me (and you!). But how?

For now, I am learning a lot from this book and what Manning pulls from the Word. I feel layers being lifted and I am loving it, but I have a long way to go!

Random Find of the Day

I have just returned from the local Christian bookstore. I went to browse their Bible study material to see if I could find any possibilities for my college students. While that might not seem all that interesting, it was. It was, at the very least, enlightening...

While there I could not resist the card section. I am sucker for good cards (Though there are very few good ones these days in the Christian book stores...sad, but true.). I noticed something ironic.

There was no section for "love." Interesting. Disturbing. Ironic. Sad.

Isn't that a central principle for us? And shouldn't we be about love...sustaining marriages and relationships and expressing love to each other? As it is, most of the books on relationships in the Christian bookstore I went to (a national chain) assumed not love...but difficulty and problems. The titles were mostly negative. The ones that weren't were more of a "how-to" guide to finding your mate. Those leave a bad taste in my mouth.

So, what does this say about us (Christians, the Church)?

Freedom and Relief

The subtitle on my blog says that it will be about life, faith, and living free. That said, I thought this quote was worth sharing. Enjoy...

"My praying friend, continue to make known your desires to God in all things. It is when we can speak with one another about anything and everything that conversation really affords us freedom and relief. Let Him decide whether you are to receive what you ask for or not." - O. Hallesby

Things that Disturb/Annoy Me...

Walking out of a bathroom with two un-purchased books at a local bookstore…

Non hand-washers…especially at a bookstore or restaurant!

Texting while driving

Strangers who have what my friend Julie calls “verbal diarrhea” all over you…

Changing a baby’s diaper somewhere other than the bathroom…

Public breast-feeding

40+ year-old women wearing halters

Toupees (Especially on married men. I mean, all sense of intimacy would be lost when he took that thing off to go to bed…)

Comb-overs

Hair helmets on older (or younger, for that matter) women

Men who wear eyeliner (except maybe that guy from Green Day...)

Smacking

Those shoes with the wheels on them

Little girls in strapless dresses

Jeans that are entirely too low rise (i.e. – seeing a bare rear end on a man or woman while shopping etc.)

Riding a motorcycle without a helmet

Speedos®

Parents who let their kids run all over the place (especially in restaurants)

Walking into a public place (restaurant, mall, etc.) without shoes

Consider this a work in progress...I am sure I will add to it often! Feel free to add your own!!

Trinitarian Ministry

I am reading a wonderful book by Steve Seamands these days called, "Ministry in the Image of God." One of the great things about this book is that Seamands prolifically quotes others. I am a lover of quotes and the communion of saints...so, I am loving this book! I picked it up in a bookstore in Arkansas off the bargain table for just a few dollars (I still don't understand what it was doing on that table!). It has been well worth it! Below is a quote Seamands included from C.S. Lewis on Trinitarian ministry that I thought you might enjoy.

"The whole dance, or drama, or pattern of this three-Personal life is to be played out in each one of us; or (putting it the other way round) each one of us has got to enter that pattern, take his place in the dance. Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire; if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not, you will remain dry." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Pensiveness...

I am feeling...pensive tonight. Melancholy. I think it is due in part to my lack of social contact with many people today. I ran some errands and mostly sat around the house. This is good for me, as I have been going and going and going for the past few weeks. To the beach. To rural Alabama. To a family reunion. Back to Auburn. Moving to Arkansas. I have been going non-stop these past few weeks. I needed some down time...some alone time to reflect on the whirlwind that is my life.

It might surprise those of you who know me well to find out that I love just being alone. Oh sure...I am a people person. I am deeply invested in my family and friends. It is life-giving for me to see or speak to the people I love most in the world. I am deeply relational. But I desperately need big pockets of time alone to reflect and relax (two things I don't do often enough).

Today was one of those days. It was good and difficult. When I get too much time without contact with others, I think too much and over-analyze the details of my life. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing at this point...we'll just have to see.

I talked with a handful of people by phone today that I've been missing for weeks. This was good and bad, too. Made me miss them and wish that there was someway we could create some sort of ideal village where we could all co-exist somehow. I think this way often, as the people I love most in the world are far from me these days...I wonder why God would give us to each other only to separate us like this. Then I remember that we are all where God wants us right now...and I feel a little better. I am still holding out hope for that ideal village...

My thoughts also turn to the positive. I wonder how in the world I arrived right here in just a matter of a few weeks. I am back in Fayetteville, Arkansas at a place I love and job I am sure to love. I am close enough to my family that I could just randomly decide to go home...and that is nice for a change. I think this is the start of a new and beautiful season in my life.

So, this pensive feeling...I'm not sure what to do with it. It is very real, but I'm not sure why I am feeling it so strongly. I guess it is not all bad to feel a bit melancholy and contemplative. Maybe some sleep will shake the sadness...or maybe your prayers?

Thank you...and good night. :)

Divine Resemblance...

"O Lord Jesus Christ, save us from the error of wishing to admire you instead of being willing to follow you and resemble you." - Soren Kierkegaard

[I promise a new post as soon as the boxes are unpacked. For now, enjoy this prayer.]

Dancing...

Just a quote I ran across today that has everything to do with my blog and my understanding of this life of faith...

"You...cling to Jesus! You...give your life to Jesus! It'll be wild. It'll be unpredictable. It'll be dangerous. But, man will you know how to dance!" - Mike Yaconelli (1942-2003)

Forgiveness Quote

"Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again." -- Dag Hammarskjold

Moving Woes...

Moving is the pits. I hate the packing. I hate the goodbyes. I hate the overwhelming feeling of it all. It is exhausting just to think about getting it all done, much less actually doing it! I am determined to get it all done before my movers (a.k.a. - the parents) get here on Thursday.

It is not looking good.

I took a fun trip to Arkansas this past week for a family reunion. While it was a great trip and a great visit with family, it was likely not the best decision I have ever made. Due to the whirlwind nature of the trip (and two other trips within the week that total at least 36 hours in the car), I have gotten nothing done. And by nothing I mean...nothing. I have no boxes. I have no newspapers. I just have a big, fat, overwhelming mess to deal with.

Commence praying for me NOW! More specifically, pray for my parents and for Jason who will be helping me. I tend to get just a little unpleasant during the packing process. This will not be fun for them...

Then there is the actual leaving part. This is hard for an emotional girl like myself. I have held it together pretty well so far. This is likely due to my lack of sleep over the last several weeks. It has little to do with my being exceptionally emotionally stable. I am due for a good cry about all of this...so pray for that to be timely.

On the flipside, I am more than excited about my new place of residence. There's a yard and everything. Real, living grass...something I do not have at my current place (everything is dead and gray there...). My roommate is a friend from my sorority days in college (go ahead and laugh...) and she is a world of fun. My neighbors are old friends of mine, too. It is wild how it has all worked out. It is a great house in a great neighborhood near a golf course. Perhaps I will learn to golf. Who knows?!

The job that is waiting for me looks to be fantastic in every way. Great staff of people I already know and love in a church I know and love, too. Plus, I'll be miles from my little sister and an easy drive from the rest of my family. My little sister is already planning a big party for me...yippee!

So, if you think about it in the next several days...say a few prayers for me. Pray that I'll have peace in the process. Maybe even pray that packing will be fun. Pray for good goodbyes. Pray for safe travels. Pray for a good sense of humor in the midst of it all.

Thankyouverymuch...

Unbelievable and Unexpected

A friend of mine just sent this to me and just told me to watch it. I am asking you to trust me and do the same. Please take the time to watch at least the first of these videos. I promise you it will surprise you and make your day...

Paul Potts 1

Paul Potts 2

Paul Potts 3

Still Me

In case all two of my readers wonder if I have had any typically "Julie" moments in the last few months (since the communion debacle and/or the thumb incident -- see February and March posts). You'll be glad to know that the answer is a resounding, "Yes!"

I haven't fallen down much lately (I will probably eat my words later today because I just wrote that. Anticipate the post!). However, I have done some pretty scatterbrained things in the last few days. The biggest of which happened just two days ago.

I spent some time at the beach this past week. As a side note...it was wonderful. I am not the best at resting and relaxing (who knew?!), but I did just that in Gulf Shores, Alabama for a few days. The weather was perfect and the water was incredibly clear. I loved every minute of it.

On our way home from the beach, I realized (just thirty minutes from my apartment) that I didn't know where my keys were. Um...I left them in someone else's car. And this someone was a good three hours from us at that point.

Yes...I was a gifted child.

Why I did not think to make sure I had them prior to leaving the beach I do not know. But, alas...I did not. Upon my discovery, I freaked out (also shocking, I know!). I was so mad at myself. My traveling companion (Jason) did not share my anxiety. He calmly picked up the phone, called his mother, and confirmed that my keys were with her. Without missing a beat, he determined that we would just drive there that night or the next day to get them.

What?!

Who does that? I thought he should be at least a little angry with me. This was a stupid thing I had done and it would mean us driving a total of six additional hours to retrieve the said keys. Had I discovered my ignorance earlier, we would have been able to meet up with his parents and drive on home. I am not that quick, though...so this was going to be costly. The boy was completely calm, cool, and collected. I have never seen anything like it. I tried to give him room to be mad...he just wasn't.

I tell this story for two reasons:

a) Because it is a classic "Julie" moment. Who does crap like this at my age? Honestly.

b) Because the whole random, ridiculous experience really ministered to me. Who does what Jason did? I mean I was mad at me...I could not understand why he was not. This is how he is on a daily basis, though.

And this, my friends, is how God is teaching me a little about Himself and how He deals with me, too. I give myself little grace, but God gives it abundantly. I wish I could wrap my head around that...

I hope this post confirms that I am still me and fills your need-to-know about my little life. More later this week...

What is Needful for the Road

Something I stumbled across in my collection of quotes and prayers today. I am learning the truth of this in my life right now in a thousand ways...

"It is well for those who find themselves in the dark night of the soul to persevere in patience...Let them trust in God, who does not abandon those who seek God with a simple and right heart, and will not fail to give them what is needful for the road, until he brings them into the clear and pure light of love." -- St. John of the Cross

To Such As These...

Last night I offered a sermon about the text from Mark 10:13-16 where Jesus says the kingdom belongs to children. This brief discourse (also found in Matthew and Luke) has consistently challenged me as I have grown. What does it mean to mature in our faith and maintain our childlike love of Him? What does it look like for us to be utterly dependent on Him while seeking to be dependable to others? These and countless other questions swirl in my head as I read a passage like this. I know that mostly God is just asking me to return to the simplicity of childhood and remember how much I need Him (like a child needs his parents). I get that, but I am but a poor example of it.

I ran across these words from Frederick Buechner this afternoon. I really wish I would've found it yesterday, as it captures everything I tried to say last night. Isn't that always the way?!

"Two thousand years of homiletic sentimentalizing to the contrary notwithstanding, Jesus was not playing Captain Kangaroo. He was saying that the people who get into Heaven are people, who, like children, don't worry about it too much. They are people who, like children, live with their hands open more than with their fists clenched. They are people who, like children, are so relatively unburdened by preconceptions that if somebody says there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, they are perfectly willing to go take a look for themselves."

What about the rest of us?!

Take a look at these photos I have been admiring lately. The photos were taken by my friend Rob who is off on adventure in Alaska. The pictures he has taken of the scenery there will make you want to jump on the next plane so you can see it for yourself. In lieu of that, enjoy his photos. While you are there, take a look at the other albums. I am pretty sure Rob can make anything look beautiful (take a look at the album called "macro-tastic")!

In addition to being a fantastic photographer, Rob is also extremely smart, an excellent singer, unbelievably creative (In the third picture in "me," he's looking through a piece of art he made from paint sample squares!), a great speaker, deeply loyal, an expert practical joker, and a lover of Jesus (and good pizza!). He's so gifted, sometimes I feel like it is unfair to the rest of us. But Rob is also genuinely humble, so it is hard to stay jealous...

Anyhow, enjoy the photos!

Failing with Jesus

"I've been saying across the years that in the Cross is the Victory, and now I have to pick up that Cross in a new sense and show that it is the Victory! As I have said, I may fail, but I would rather fail with Jesus than succeed with anybody else, for to be with Jesus is the Victory. He doesn't defend the Victory; he is the Victory." - E. Stanley Jones

[These words appear in the book The Divine Yes, written by E. Stanley Jones after he suffered a massive stroke. The book is exceptional in its ability to both encourage and challenge any Christian seeking meaning and depth in their relationship with Christ and others.]

Beautiful...

There is a framed card on my desk with a simple message. The card has little dots all over it and at the center is the word "beautiful." The card is from my little sister Jenny and serves as a reminder to me that God thinks I am inwardly and outwardly beautiful. It is also there to remind me that if God thinks I am beautiful then I should think that, too. This is easier-said-than-done most days.

I believe that beauty is so much more than a reflection in the mirror; it is a reflection of who we are inside. I believe that well for others, but I struggle to believe it for myself. I imagine many of you find yourself in the same camp. You know that beauty is about so much more than how you think you "look" on any given day, but living into the reality of that is difficult.

We blame it on the media and the emphasis they put on outward beauty. We blame it on the movies and how they idealize how she who has a perfect face and body gets the girl. We blame it on a thousand things outside of ourselves.

I think we're wrong.

Sure, I think the media, the movies, and other things contribute to our feeling less-than-beautiful at times. However, I do not think it is entirely the fault of our society. I believe it begins within. Real beauty looks more like unexplained radiance than perfect skin and the perfect body. The people I call beautiful are those who reflect God's love and grace. They are people like my sisters Jill and Jenny who are struggling to love God and love people as best they can. And inward beauty like that creates an outward beauty that is irresistible.

I believe it pleases God when we accept ourselves as "beautiful." I believe that seeking and following Jesus makes us beautiful. I believe the Spirit of God within us wants us to believe we are beautiful. I also believe it is difficult to remember these things day after day.

My challenge to you is to start to see yourself as beautiful. Cultivate a life that seeks to love and to serve God and others and you'll find yourself feeling more beautiful. When we are inwardly balanced, it always shines through outwardly. I also challenge you today to call out "beauty" in the lives of the people around you. Words are powerful and there are far too few positive ones out there. Be the source of spiritual encouragement for another person.

As a closing thought, I’ll share this quote from Khalil Gibran. His thoughts are sometimes peculiar to me, but this one really resonated with me. I think it sums up what I am struggling to say here...

"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart."
- Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

The Power of Prayer...

I just found out that a picture of the prayer board some Auburn Wesley Foundation students painted is in the current issue of Christianity Today. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a link to the article/picture on their website. I would encourage you to pick up a copy of the issue and read the related article if you can. The picture is clear enough to read the names of a few of the thousands of students who signed the memorial.

There's a link to an earlier article here.